The Paper Straw: A Soggy Disappointment

I appreciate the environment. I like turtles as much as the next bloke. But there has to be a better solution than giving me a tube of recycled cardboard that disintegrates the moment it touches liquid.

You have about four minutes to drink your iced coffee before the straw collapses in on itself like a dying star. It goes soft in the middle, pinches shut, and suddenly you're just sucking a wet paper bag.

The irony is, they hand you this pathetic, dissolving straw... wrapped in plastic. Sticking out of a plastic lid. Attached to a plastic cup. But thank goodness the straw is paper, right?