My Fridge Needs a Software Update

I went to make toast this morning and the toaster wouldn't heat up because it had lost its Wi-Fi connection. Let me repeat that: I could not make toast because the internet was down.

Why does a device whose sole purpose is to make bread hot need to talk to a server in California? My fridge now has a screen that can show me my calendar. I don't want to know I have a dentist appointment while I'm reaching for the milk.

We've created a world where 'smart' just means 'will break entirely in three years when the company stops updating the app'. Give me a dumb fridge any day. A dumb fridge keeps the beer cold.